When I write a eulogy, I’m always struck by the power of small, seemingly unimportant details. Families often tell me, almost apologetically, “There’s not much to say, really,” or, “They didn’t achieve anything big.” But the truth is, the quiet moments are what make someone truly memorable. And when you’re wondering how to write a eulogy, it’s these everyday memories that create the most powerful, heartfelt service.
A eulogy doesn’t need to be grand. It doesn’t need to be poetic. It needs to be personal, respectful and, above all, honest.
The myth of ‘not much to say’
Many families feel they need to produce impressive stories or achievements to justify a full eulogy. But some of the most beautiful services I’ve written have been for people who lived what some would call “ordinary” lives. A man who went to work, came home, loved his family and always made sure the biscuit tin was full. A woman who never missed sending a birthday card, who knew how everyone took their tea, and who made everyone feel like the most critical person in the room.
That’s not ordinary. That’s everything.
When you sit down to write a eulogy, start with what made them “them.” Their routines, habits, turns of phrase, and small acts of love. These details are what families remember because they represent the person who’s gone.
The power of a single memory
I once led a service for a man who, every time his nephew visited, would have a fresh bottle of tomato ketchup waiting for him. It was never mentioned out loud, just something he quietly did. That detail – a bottle of ketchup – brought an entire room to tears. Why? Because it showed his thoughtfulness, his love, and his ability to make people feel seen.
These are the moments that stick. These are the details that bring a person back into the room for a moment, allowing us all to breathe a little deeper and smile through our sadness.
The real art of eulogy writing
The best eulogies aren’t about achievements. They’re about character. And character lives in the small stuff: how they laughed, how they always wore the same jumper on Sunday mornings, how they never quite got the hang of texting, how they had a phrase they always said when leaving the house.
When you learn how to write a eulogy well, you know how to spot the golden threads in everyday life and weave them into a short piece that feels whole. A good eulogy reflects not just what someone did, but how they made others think.
What funeral directors say
Funeral directors often tell me that these personal touches make all the difference. They notice when families walk out of a service saying, “That was so them.” That’s the mark of a eulogy done well.
Dates, jobs and milestones matter, of course – they provide context – but they don’t capture the heart of a person. A single sentence that captures their humour, warmth or habits can connect the entire room. You can almost hear the person again, just for a moment.
Listening is everything
When I meet with families, I don’t come with a checklist. I come ready to listen. I pay attention to the pauses, the shared glances, the smiles that creep in when a particular memory surfaces.
The most meaningful parts of a eulogy often come from the things families say without realising they’ve said something important. “She never went anywhere without her handbag.” “He always made a cup of tea before doing anything else.” “He hated queuing but would never push in.” These moments may seem small, but they’re the heartbeat of a life.
Your words don’t need to be perfect.
If you’re writing a eulogy yourself, don’t pressure yourself to make it flawless. This isn’t a performance. Speak from the heart. Keep it truthful, warm, and structured in a way that flows naturally. Start with early memories or their background, move through their work, passions, and family life, and end with reflections on what they meant to others.
Even if you’re not a natural writer or speaker, your sincerity will come through. And if you’re unsure, ask a celebrant or funeral director to help shape your thoughts into a clear, respectful tribute.
Why it matters
A thoughtful eulogy does more than honour someone – it helps those left behind. When people leave a service feeling that their loved one was represented honestly and thoroughly, they carry that comfort with them.
In grief, people don’t want grandeur. They want the truth. They want to feel that their loss has been acknowledged and that the life they lived has been appropriately remembered.
A eulogy, when done well, becomes something families hold onto. They may even frame it, reread it, or share it with grandchildren one day. That’s the quiet power of your words.
Final thoughts
Learning how to write a eulogy isn’t about crafting a masterpiece. It’s about capturing the essence of someone – with truth, heart, and care. And when you focus on the small, human details, you give families something they’ll treasure long after the flowers have faded.
If you’d like help shaping a funeral service or writing a eulogy, I’d be honoured to support you. Every life has a story worth telling.